


I'm All Undone

by maiamaryse



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 21:53:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14506242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiamaryse/pseuds/maiamaryse
Summary: There’s a terrible peace here, looking up at an unknown sky, laying in the red dirt, knowing full well what’s coming.





	I'm All Undone

There’s a terrible peace here, looking up at an unknown sky, laying in the red dirt, knowing full well what’s coming. Seconds ago he had been so, so afraid but he is overwhelmed by the beauty. Everything feels muted and numb, like he’s floating, like he’s not really here. 

It hadn’t been like this under the building. Under the building he had been shaking and anxious, and the horrible, heavy dread hadn’t left his stomach until he’d gotten out, hadn’t really left until weeks later.

And when Ben had been shot it didn’t seem peaceful either. The whole thing was screaming and crying and Peter’s heart breaking, clutching at Ben’s cold, panic stricken face. 

It’s been long, his life, feels really, impossibly long. All the grief and the shivering and the fear, all the running home in the rain, missing the last bus and feeling ashamed of himself. It had so small but felt so big- the only relief in moments of sublime, like looking at a spec of blood in a microscope, or at the earth, glowing and growing smaller in the face of the cosmos. He feels how small he is, now, how small it all is. How it’s silly to worry about any of it.

All of his bones are tired. Every part of him is tired. This feeling- this knowing, of what’s coming, and that there’s nothing to do about it,and that it’s the end and the beginning, or, no, something like both of those things, but bigger.

Peter feels warm. Peter feels like this is all part of something big, and awful, but he’s not going to be around to see it. The part of him that wants to desperately cling to life- to May and Tony and Ned, lab projects, and swinging to a high building to watch the sun set over new York, and laughing so hard his stomach hurts- it’s so small and quiet. He can feel himself fading, and it feels alright. It’s not, he knows somewhere, distantly, but it _feels_ alright.

And one moment he’s in it, and the next he’s outside of it, and it’s beyond anything he could have imagined. 

So peaceful, so terrible.

Peter dies on an alien planet, far away from his life and all the things he ever knew. 

And then, in a way that throws everything backwards and upside down, in a way he will never understand, and in a way that changes him beyond remembrance of who he once was, Peter lives.


End file.
